Self-Introduction
Dear Professor Brad,
I would like to take this opportunity to introduce myself to you. My name is Germain Yee and I am one of your student. I graduated with Diploma in Telematics and Media Technology (TMT) in Nanyang Polytechnic. During the 3 years in TMT, I have gained interested in this trade as it is blooming in our current industry.
The reason why i decided to further pursue my degree in Telematics is because of all the hard and software. What really caught my attention is the driver-less car. I have dreamt of owning a car that is driven by no one, more like an automated vehicle. Furthermore, our world is progressing very quickly , hence in our rapidly progressing society, being able to contribute to the developments of a driverless car would definitely help me to leave an impact on the world
I'm a big fan of soccer. During the weekends, I would watch the English Premier League with my dad. For my strengths, I'm able to work with anyone that is tasked to me as I feel that I possess the trait of an empathy person. I'm also a person that despite other's who has lack of empathy. I just cannot see someone being bullied or is suffering inside alone. That could be my weakness and strength at the same time.
By the end of my degree, I hope that i could change into a person who is more open-minded and will be able to take in more feedback from the rest of my course mates. I also hope that i will be able to be more vocal after this module as everyone knows that great communication skill is a key factor to being successful.
Yours Sincerely,
Germain Yee
I would like to take this opportunity to introduce myself to you. My name is Germain Yee and I am one of your student. I graduated with Diploma in Telematics and Media Technology (TMT) in Nanyang Polytechnic. During the 3 years in TMT, I have gained interested in this trade as it is blooming in our current industry.
The reason why i decided to further pursue my degree in Telematics is because of all the hard and software. What really caught my attention is the driver-less car. I have dreamt of owning a car that is driven by no one, more like an automated vehicle. Furthermore, our world is progressing very quickly , hence in our rapidly progressing society, being able to contribute to the developments of a driverless car would definitely help me to leave an impact on the world
I'm a big fan of soccer. During the weekends, I would watch the English Premier League with my dad. For my strengths, I'm able to work with anyone that is tasked to me as I feel that I possess the trait of an empathy person. I'm also a person that despite other's who has lack of empathy. I just cannot see someone being bullied or is suffering inside alone. That could be my weakness and strength at the same time.
By the end of my degree, I hope that i could change into a person who is more open-minded and will be able to take in more feedback from the rest of my course mates. I also hope that i will be able to be more vocal after this module as everyone knows that great communication skill is a key factor to being successful.
Yours Sincerely,
Germain Yee
Dear Germain,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this concise, fairly informative letter. You address most of the elements of the assignment and give us readers a basic indicator of who you are. In particular, you illustrate your interest in AVs and the griowth of telematics as a field. At the same time, you throw in info on your hobby, and then you also give some info on your comm skills strength of being empathetic. That being said, not everything flows smoothly (i.e., the hobby statement seems like just a quick addition) and there are some language difficulties, listed here:
1. word forms/phrasing
-- I am one of your student. > (one of many)
-- During..., I have gained interested > (wrong word form/wrong tense)
-- in this trade as it is blooming in our current industry. > (which trade? which industry?)
-- an empathy person > (wrong word form)
2. sentence structure
-- Furthermore, our world is progressing very quickly , hence in our rapidly progressing society, being able to contribute to the developments of a driverless car would definitely help me to leave an impact on the world > (comma splice/missing full stops)
Furthermore, our world is progressing very quickly. Hence ,in our rapidly progressing society, being able to contribute to the developments of a driverless car would definitely help me to leave an impact on the world. OR
Furthermore, because our world is progressing very quickly, being able to contribute to the developments of a driverless car would definitely help me to have an impact.
-- I'm also a person that despite other's who has lack of empathy. > ?
-- I just cannot see someone being bullied or is suffering inside alone. > (lack of parallel structure)
3. Lack of a transition into paragraph #3.
A revision will help you begin the recursive process in addressing writing this term.
I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Prof Brad,
DeleteThank you for taking time off your busy schedule to read and comment on my post. I’ll take some time to re-edit my post with all the pointers you have highlighted.
Cheers,
Germain